Hmmmm. So I'm still thinking. I have tons of blog topics but...hmmmm.
I really wish I had something clever. Daily blogs are tough, some days you are feeling bloggy some days you aren't. Some days you have a really good topic, some days you force it a bit. Today I am just going to do a topic I have had planned and make it 50 related ok? Here goes.
Have you guys seen on twitter there is a tag called #FakeDoctorWhoSpoilers ? Well there is and it's incredibly fun to tweet fake spoilers. They can be hopeful, ridiculous or whatever else you fancy. Once I saw that tag I decided I would tweet #FakeTorchwoodSpoilers. I really wish I remembered some I've done now because it would help. But it would also be sort of cheating. So here's the deal below are 50 #FakeTorchwoodSpoilers:
1. When we find Gwen in season four she's given birth to a sheep. (OK so I stole this fake spoiler from John Barrowman. How do I top that?)
2. Rhys leaves Gwen for Jack.
3. There is a stray Cat that follows the team everywhere. When they finally get close enough to check the tag, it say 'Ianto' (yes this is the Ianto reincarnated as a cat thing, it was bound to happen.)
4. The Miricale Day Dilemma (MDD) keeping everyone alive turns out to be caused by an STD Jack spread.
5. Esther dies in the 8th episode. She eats poisoned peanut butter banana pancakes. (That one was for all the All My Children fans - yea I know it wasn't but it was sort of - you know...)
6. Rex turns out to be the latest regeneration of Gray, who by the way is actually a Time Lord.
7. Torchwood realizes they need help so they call in Buffy. She teaches Gwen about rocket launchers.
8. The Rift implodes and disappears forever.
9. Episode four is a musical. Everyone sings. Even the plants and animals. Except for Jack, that comes later (See number 50).
10. Jack can't sing or talk because he's turned mute.
11. Determined to communicate Jack turns to shadow puppets. Then the language of love...
12. They bring Ianto back so they can kill him again at the end of the series.
13. There are 2 Jack's and they meet. One makes the other cry. ( I totally had this dream. 2 Jack's could be WAY more fun than that.)
14. The team builds a new and improved Hub inside of "It's a Small World" at Disneyland.
15. Andy joins the team as the new tea boy. He suck's at it.
16. We meet Gwen's quirky American cousin who falls for Jack.
17. I play Gwen's quirky American cousin.
18. Jack gets pregnant and then loses the baby.
19. The new series will be scratch and sniff. If you scratch the TV you can smell John Barrowman.
20. While Jack was off planet he finally saw a live Rugby match. Well, it was sort of like Rugby.
21. Before Oswald was a murderer he was the King of New York. And he pardons himself. (Any Newsies people?)
22. John Hart comes back to earth to help but ends up making things worse.
23. Jack convinces Rex and Esther that sleeping with him is a fun sort of initiation everyone has to team Torchwood.
24. The Doctor stops by and he doesn't see the problem with no one dying, so he doesn't help.
25. At the end of the series when all the casualties are stacked up RTD comes on screen to announce no actors were harmed in the filming so that people stop attacking him for character deaths.
26. The team has to make hard decisions. Jack has to sleep with everyone on the planet to take back the STD. (It makes sense, just watch and see.)
27. Rex has a twin brother, named Sex. He's also a Time Lord and neither are really Jack's brother.
28. Not only are people not dying, they are aging backwards until everyone is sperm on the streets and as good as dead. Until Torchwood saves the day.
29. There is a nipple quota to be filled in each episode. It's 16. We need to see 16 nipples in every hour. Starz says so.
30. Man nipples count. We see a lot of Jack man nipple. Rex is nipple shy.
31. Before their pulled back into Torchwood Rhys is living a happy life running underground pony races.
32. 2 of the episodes are adapted from FanFics.
33. Esther has a pet goldfish she carries around in a bowl. She has excellent balance.
34. Villainous giraffes! They're tall! They're reticulated! And they're angry! (this one I stole from a fake spoiler tweet by Jane Espenson)
35. The goldfish is the first creature to die.
36. Esther rhymes everything she says.
37. To deal with the over population they cremate live people. They live through it but they take up a lot less room.
38. Jack is left alone with baby Anwen and she accidentally kills him. (This idea was borrowed from a panel, don't recall who said it)
39. The new theme song is written and performed by Gareth David-Lloyd's band Blue Gillespie.
40. For this series Murray Gold decided techno music was the way to go.
41. Oswald is an alien who can hypnotize people to do his will. That's how he won is kingship.
42. Burn Gorman returns to the show but as a different character.
43. Ianto from another universe pops in. He and Jack get together and live happily ever after.
44. Of course now Rhys is alone and he goes back to Gwen.
45. John Barrowman guest stars as himself. That's a total of 3 John Barrowman characters in this series.
46. Jack falls in love with Gwen's baby. (Twilight anyone? - And he loves her even after she's killed him.)
47. Every episode has a guest star that has been on Torchwood before.
48. Gwen has taken up knitting and makes the whole team matching gun cozies. (Yes, I went to the Pushing Daises place.)
49. Torchwood officially changes their name to Excalibur now that they have a blonde.
50. The MDD is undone by Jack singing. Specifically singing 'Dracula's Lament' from Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Ending the series with the emotional lyrics "Die. Die. Die. I can't".
Ok guys most of those ended up being pretty ridiculous as it's getting late and I'm on the clock. Hope some of them made you laugh, I can't proof-read because I'm down on time so apologies for any typo-nonsense. I fully intend to make this the #BarrowGame for this coming weeks #BarrowmanDay but until then does anyone have any #FakeTorchwoodSpoilers they'd like to share? xx
All "Countdown" Blogs